I got an A+ in Defensive Driving

In general, I find the human race to be completely hilarious as a species, and I am no exception. People do things every day that just make me laugh. We go through drive-thrus so we can get our meals in our car, never having to get out or even turn the car off. Heck, we don't even have to put the car in park.

Also, we are about to pass a law in Colorado that prohibits the use of text messaging while driving. We have to be so in touch technologically that we have to send text messages while we are driving big metal death-traps.

Drivers in general are humorous, bypassing any sort of common courtesy or logic and pulling out in front of one another, similar to a passing butterfly flitting under your nose. This can produce comically dangerous situations.

For example, while driving with my mom to look at furniture for my new (albeit small) apartment, I turned right at an intersection in Castle Rock (a BLIND intersection in front of McDonalds where there's a giant cement wall so you can't see around it) and nearly collided with the Fire Marshall in his big, red SUV (who I swear only turned on his siren after we nearly hit him.). In order to avoid the oncoming tanker, I quickly drove up onto the curb, ramming my wheel and hubcap into the sidewalk and narrowly avoiding the huge car (I drive a Toyota Echo; anything besides a Mini Cooper is HUGE by comparison to the little tin can I roll in).

Now I know you're supposed to pull over to the right for emergency vehicles, but this was extreme and potentially quite harmful to my mother, who I would like very much to remain alive.

Maybe I haven't mentioned this: The Fire Marshall was driving in the lane of oncoming traffic, instead of driving around the cars in the turn lane to the right, which was conveniently empty.

I ask myself this: Who does this guy think he is?

Then I remember that he's the Fire Marshall and I bite my tongue.

You can't sue a municipality but I would like to know why he has the right to endanger himself and his fellow man by taking liberties and driving in the oncoming traffic's lane. I can't imagine what sort of trouble I would've been in had we collided. I may have ended up with an engine in my lap and kissed any dreams of joining Riverdance goodbye. Who knows?

I just know this: Whether you're the President of the United States, Elton John, Joe Regular Guy, or the Fire Marshall, you are still held accountable for the safety of drivers around you. And for Ronald McDonald's sake, don't get into a wreck at a busy intersection in front of Mickey D's. There are not enough McFlurries in the world to save my baby putzer from the giant, red, fiery kiss of death.

***

Sidenote. I went to KFC with my Dad today (we stayed clear of the drive through and walked off all those calories by parking in the third string of parking spaces) and was stared at the entire meal by a young man. If you find someone attractive while they're eating fried chicken, it must be love, because if you've ever eaten corn on the cob and string beans and then smiled at someone you like, you know the dangers of mixing soul food and soul mates. Food for thought.