I tried to wait until February to be bitter about the most loathesome, stupid, commercial Holiday that ever existed... but King Soopers just broke out the giant stuffed animals and I can't keep quiet any longer.
I don't hate Valentine's Day strictly because it's a Hallmark Holiday... I sort of hate it on principle. How could anyone ever think that a holiday devoted to love and relationships would be celebrated or enjoyed by people who are chronically single?
I guess I can really explain my hatred for this day because of one particularly sucky Valentine's Day. I won't get into it, but I really do think that one is all it takes to ruin an already stupid holiday for me. Besides, I'm never in a relationship and nobody (who isn't absurdly scary or obnoxious) ever likes me enough to give me something that doesn't make me want to vomit. I hate getting presents from people unless it's Christmas anyway, which is the only time we really should exchange gifts. (Mom and Dad, I'd still like a nice dinner on my birthday...)
It's not that I hate Valentine's Day because I'm single. Though this is a sucky truth, it's something that's a part of my life every day, so it's not like I'm not aware of it EVERY OTHER DAY OF THE YEAR. That being said, I feel as if I have many valid reasons for absolutely detesting February 14th.
First of all: Why do you need a reason to give your girlfriend/wife/lover/crush/the person you're stalking flowers/chocolate/jewelry/sports cars? Why can't you just do that on some random day? Why not for no particular reason when it's unexpected?
Also... Pink and Red, although in the same color family and separated by a simple pigment... they really look horrific together. I like pink. I like red. I do not under any circumstances like them together. It's like... Don't wear orange and blue unless you're watching a Bronco's game. And wear Pink and Red... never. Don't do that. It's like this: You don't wear two different shades of black together, that's tacky. So please spare me and leave these two colors separate. (Not like it's going to change just for me, but a girl can dream.)
This day is actually named for a Saint. Who nobody knows ANYTHING about. Ok, granted, there are many accounts of a Saint Valentine in history, but no saint named St. Valentine is credited with any sort of romantic or materialistic representation... that would by definition go against the religion under which he held sainthood.
Why not name it... St. Dwynwen's Day? She was the patron saint of lovers. As a young woman, she took the veil to serve God, even though she was in love with a young man. This forbidden love is at least SOMETHING like what we celebrate when we buy red vases and stuff them choc-full of pink roses for our loves. Ok... so Dwynwen's Day is a little bit of a tongue twister, but the point is, she was a saint actually related to love.
Or how about St. Helena? She's the patron saint of marriage problems, which in my opinion is a much more worthy cause than puppy love. At least if you celebrate her, you're working towards strengthening a relationship that you have committed to.
St. John Francis Regis is the patron saint of marriage, something I DO think is worth celebrating, even though I'm not married. (But believe me, if I could have a wedding without a groom, I would've had it yesterday.) I get that anniversaries are really the day for this celebration... but high schoolers celebrating their 6 month and ten day anniversary really just make me want to throw up, so I'd rather have a day devoted to people who are actually committed to each other forever.
Personally, I will now be celebrating St. Agatha's Day on February 14th. She's the patron saint of single women. And though I don't think this is something to celebrate necessarily, it at least makes February 14th seem like it has a purpose.
Another thing: Who decided what stereotypical kitsch would be sold en masse for people (really, men) to give? Giant stuffed animals? Didn't you get made fun of in middle school for having a teddy bear on your bed when your friends came over? I happen to have five on my bed now and I'm in college, but I'm an outlier in this statistic.
And chocolate? Dude. Giant boxes of chocolate should be reserved for people not in relationships or people who don't care about their weight. Cuz let me tell you from experience, a giant heart-shaped box of truffles goes straight to your hips. 'Here you go honey, I love you, have a bunch of chocolate that will make you gain weight.' How thoughtful. No.
Roses are expensive. I don't want roses unless you've seen me in a play or I'm getting married and since the first is the only probably choice here... No. Buy tulips if you insist (or she insists) on purchasing flowers but seriously, you're wasting your money. Unless you were born under a full moon with a silver spoon in your mouth in the money tree, then by all means.
Ultimately what I don't understand about Valentine's day is why the entirety of America celebrates it... (minus me of course.) What is the draw? Can you seriously not take time out of your life during the rest of the year and tell the person you love that you love them? Buy them jewelry for absolutely no reason in say... April instead? Take them out for a nice date night once a week or even just once a month? Why do you need an EXCUSE to show the people you love that you care?
I always feel a dark cloud hanging over my head on V-Day for a few reasons:
1. I am nervous that some random person will pop out of the woodwork madly in love with me and think that I like them too and embarrass me in front of my biology class or something. (p.s. if this happens... I'll just die.)
2. It makes me so anxious. It's like people expect something from you on Valentine's Day... like if you like somebody you're SUPPOSED to tell them in some big way. I don't tell people when I like them... it's just obvious, why do I need to conform and declare my feelings on a random February day?
3. People get engaged. Cliche. Yawn.
4. Christmas is ten times more romantic. Seriously. Nothing encourages bringing lovers together like feet of snow, a roaring fire, christmas lights, and hot cocoa. I'd rather have somebody propose to me around Christmas than on a day where the colors make me have a headache. (Green and Red don't ever go together except on Christmas... but they're an exception to the rule of asinine color combinations.)
5. It encourages ancient relatives to ask about your relationship status. And after you admit sheepishly that you're single, they monologue for a while about why it'll all be ok, why that person is just around the corner, why it's so silly that you aren't with somebody because you're so great! ...Thanks Great-Great-Grandma So and So, that REALLY makes me feel better.
Ultimately... I don't want my nose rubbed in the relationships around me. I'm happy for people who have found that person, but I don't need a reminder that I'm especially picky and intimidating. This year, I'm not going to be bitter on February 14th (I'm getting it all out now). I'm happy for you and your successful relationship. But St. Agatha and I are going to watch Lifetime in our pajamas and probably cry our faces off.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Why I Appreciate Twilight (And Why I Don't)
Lemme break it down:
1. It's written the way I think. It's not super wordy or overly languid, just like how normal people think. And while my favorite books are the kind smart people read (Pride and Prejudice, Brave New World, Dosteovsky), I like the series because I don't have to admire the writing in order to also enjoy the story. That being said, it's not my FAVORITE series of all time AND I think that Harry Potter kicks its butt. They're not even in the same league.
Harry/Ginny is SO much better than Edward/Bella.
2. An average girl who gets no real romantic attention before she moves to Washington is finally getting attention from not only the popular boys at her new school, but also the one guy no other girl can get. Let's be honest, what girl doesn't wish, even deep deep down, that she could go from seemingly 'average' to quite pursued. I always feel like I can relate to the things that Bella is feeling and that's the kind of book that I relate to the most. It's hard for me to write about my feelings, but if I can read about somebody who thinks the same way and who manages to get it all figured out, it's quite reassuring.
3. However much people disagree, I think Edward is one of the most considerate characters. In the first book, he lets her really settle into the idea of him being a vampire and gives her many opportunities to say 'no'. He leaves Bella in the second book to save her from himself. If he killed her, his entire family would have to move and the entirety of Forks would be devastated. (Hooray small towns) Not to mention the Quileutes would come after them with the vengeance of giant wolves. In the third book, he allows Jacob to be around her because she wants him there, even though it breaks the Vampire/Quileute (sp?) treaty. He does everything for Bella. In the fourth book, he has her marry him, not only because he loves her, but to try to convince her that she doesn't need to become a vampire to be with him for the rest of her life. He also saves her life after the birth of their devil-child.
6. I love things that portray stereotypically bad people as the good guys: Example, the Cullens. They're a coven of vampires, all extremely powerful in their own right, and yet... they don't feed on people. Carlisle is even the town doctor and he saves lives every day. That's legit. Esme is like the best mother in the entire world. Alice can see the possibilities of the future and takes care of Bella while Edward is incommunicado. Jasper can help people feel calmer, angrier, whatever, just by altering their emotions. He's the only one of the Cullens who isn't totally perfect (after trying to attack Bella on her birthday when she accidentally cuts herself) and that's great. I don't like TOTAL perfection. Rosalie is the most beautiful woman in the world and she HATES Bella. What better conflict than your boyfriend's beautiful 'sister' hating your guts? Emmett is like Bella's big brother that she never had AND he can keep Rosalie in check. They're all (with the exception of Rosalie) very accepting of Bella and extremely protective of her, a kind of protection that her police sergeant father and wolf-man crush Jacob cannot provide for her.
(Other such bits of entertainment include: The Boondock Saints; assassins that you root for, Harry Potter; witches and wizards who are far superior to their regular human counterparts, Robin Hood; the thief who provides for the poor, etc. The list is long.)
Left to Right: Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Edward, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper
7. I'm all about a good love story. I'm also all about a love triangle. I'm also also all about girls who choose the guy who's not the bad boy (In this case, I say that Jacob Black is more of the rebellious type). There's that stereotype that girls always go for the bad guy... but sometimes, the one you first fell in love with is the right guy. Edward Cullen, despite being a vampire, having cold skin, being especially stubborn, and being able to read people's minds, is a very considerate boyfriend/husband and he loves her very much. He is willing to sacrifice himself so that she can live. Literally. And I like that.
8. You know it's a good book when I can't put it down. I stayed up more nights finishing these books than almost any other series I've ever read (save Harry Potter.) because she's really good at cliff-hangers. and not just oh-read-to-the-end-of-the-chapter-WHAT-THE-F-next-chapter-it's-answered cliff hangers, I mean like... SERIES LONG CLIFF HANGERS. thank GOODNESS I didn't have to wait as long as I had to wait for Harry Potter.
9. She has a kick-ass Dad. Charlie is seriously one of the greatest characters, not to mention that Billy Burke is my favorite part of the movies (he's really the only decent actor in the movies anyway). He's protective and has a reasonably strong bias against Edward after his daughter's undead boyfriend leaves her in the lurch and nearly gets her killed (more than once). He reacts like a real person, which cannot be said for every character in the series.
10. I like tight, happy endings. Let's be honest, Steph put a nice big pink fluffy bow on the last sentence of Breaking Dawn and I like it that way. I liked the epilogue in Harry Potter 7 and I like the last bit of BD too.
Ok, look: It's not a perfect series, and here's why:
I hate it when authors use stupid unusual names for characters. Rosalie? Esme? Rennesme? Stupid. Use names that people might actually recognize in daily life. Makes it seem less asinine.
Teenage angst. Though I personally suffered MUCH teenage angst (When I was a teen, hello 20), I don't wanna read somebody else's angst. So I skimmed over the angst. Bella's whiny.
Though many of the themes run through all four books, there isn't a driving force behind every single book. Unlike Harry Potter, where ultimately the goal is to vanquish Voldemort, there isn't a final objective (unless you wanna call Bella's weak want to be a vampire a goal... like I said, WEAK.). I hate it when books don't have something to work towards.
The only character I liked for awhile was Edward.
Book 2 was TORTURE. Not having Edward appear for hundreds of pages is like stapling your eyelids shut. (Unless you are Team Jacob, then you're just lucky AREN'T YOU.)
Bella seriously can't function without either Edward or Jacob and functions even LESS when they're both around.
Meyer doesn't follow the Vampire myths... which are damn good myths if you ask me. Sparkling in the sun is not a good substitute for say... burning up in the sun. The books would have a lot more worth if Edward couldn't save her during the day (think Bill's attempt to save Sookie in the season finale of True Blood first season.). Hell, the vampires don't even have fangs. Um... what?
so... yeah.
I'm NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT saying that this series is perfect! I'm not even saying that it's particularly note-worthy. I'm just saying that I personally like it. And you don't have to agree with me. In fact, I invite you to disagree.
1. It's written the way I think. It's not super wordy or overly languid, just like how normal people think. And while my favorite books are the kind smart people read (Pride and Prejudice, Brave New World, Dosteovsky), I like the series because I don't have to admire the writing in order to also enjoy the story. That being said, it's not my FAVORITE series of all time AND I think that Harry Potter kicks its butt. They're not even in the same league.
Harry/Ginny is SO much better than Edward/Bella.
2. An average girl who gets no real romantic attention before she moves to Washington is finally getting attention from not only the popular boys at her new school, but also the one guy no other girl can get. Let's be honest, what girl doesn't wish, even deep deep down, that she could go from seemingly 'average' to quite pursued. I always feel like I can relate to the things that Bella is feeling and that's the kind of book that I relate to the most. It's hard for me to write about my feelings, but if I can read about somebody who thinks the same way and who manages to get it all figured out, it's quite reassuring.
3. However much people disagree, I think Edward is one of the most considerate characters. In the first book, he lets her really settle into the idea of him being a vampire and gives her many opportunities to say 'no'. He leaves Bella in the second book to save her from himself. If he killed her, his entire family would have to move and the entirety of Forks would be devastated. (Hooray small towns) Not to mention the Quileutes would come after them with the vengeance of giant wolves. In the third book, he allows Jacob to be around her because she wants him there, even though it breaks the Vampire/Quileute (sp?) treaty. He does everything for Bella. In the fourth book, he has her marry him, not only because he loves her, but to try to convince her that she doesn't need to become a vampire to be with him for the rest of her life. He also saves her life after the birth of their devil-child.
4. There are true villains. Book 1: James. Holy crap! I was afraid of him! He scared me to death. 2: Laurent, and then Victoria: Not being able to defend yourself against stalking vampires is the creepiest thing ever. Book 3: Victoria again. I couldn't read it at night, it scared the crap out of me. She seriously was as evil as they come. Book 4: The Volturi and the frikin devil child that Bella's carrying. Not only do you think that her baby is going to eat her from the inside out, there's a powerful vampire coven counting down the seconds until Bella becomes a vampire. Either the baby's gonna be the antichrist and kill everybody, or Bella's gonna become evil and join the Volturi and kill everybody. The future possibilities in that book are terrifying.
Left to Right: Laurent, James, Victoria
Left to Right: Laurent, James, Victoria5. A book that is truly able to change my mind about someone, I think is genius. In Books 1-3 I HATED Jacob Black. I wanted him to burn a fiery death or have Edward rip his head off. But book 4 changed my mind about him! He was so protective of Bella and it made me see his reasoning behind everything; the way he treated her from the second they met, through the way he treated her after she is no longer the object of his affection. Now, I adore Jacob. I think he is so important to Bella, and I really appreciate him.
Not to mention, Taylor Lautner is QUITE attractive, as this picture indicates.
Not to mention, Taylor Lautner is QUITE attractive, as this picture indicates.
6. I love things that portray stereotypically bad people as the good guys: Example, the Cullens. They're a coven of vampires, all extremely powerful in their own right, and yet... they don't feed on people. Carlisle is even the town doctor and he saves lives every day. That's legit. Esme is like the best mother in the entire world. Alice can see the possibilities of the future and takes care of Bella while Edward is incommunicado. Jasper can help people feel calmer, angrier, whatever, just by altering their emotions. He's the only one of the Cullens who isn't totally perfect (after trying to attack Bella on her birthday when she accidentally cuts herself) and that's great. I don't like TOTAL perfection. Rosalie is the most beautiful woman in the world and she HATES Bella. What better conflict than your boyfriend's beautiful 'sister' hating your guts? Emmett is like Bella's big brother that she never had AND he can keep Rosalie in check. They're all (with the exception of Rosalie) very accepting of Bella and extremely protective of her, a kind of protection that her police sergeant father and wolf-man crush Jacob cannot provide for her.
(Other such bits of entertainment include: The Boondock Saints; assassins that you root for, Harry Potter; witches and wizards who are far superior to their regular human counterparts, Robin Hood; the thief who provides for the poor, etc. The list is long.)
Left to Right: Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Edward, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper 7. I'm all about a good love story. I'm also all about a love triangle. I'm also also all about girls who choose the guy who's not the bad boy (In this case, I say that Jacob Black is more of the rebellious type). There's that stereotype that girls always go for the bad guy... but sometimes, the one you first fell in love with is the right guy. Edward Cullen, despite being a vampire, having cold skin, being especially stubborn, and being able to read people's minds, is a very considerate boyfriend/husband and he loves her very much. He is willing to sacrifice himself so that she can live. Literally. And I like that.
8. You know it's a good book when I can't put it down. I stayed up more nights finishing these books than almost any other series I've ever read (save Harry Potter.) because she's really good at cliff-hangers. and not just oh-read-to-the-end-of-the-
9. She has a kick-ass Dad. Charlie is seriously one of the greatest characters, not to mention that Billy Burke is my favorite part of the movies (he's really the only decent actor in the movies anyway). He's protective and has a reasonably strong bias against Edward after his daughter's undead boyfriend leaves her in the lurch and nearly gets her killed (more than once). He reacts like a real person, which cannot be said for every character in the series.
10. I like tight, happy endings. Let's be honest, Steph put a nice big pink fluffy bow on the last sentence of Breaking Dawn and I like it that way. I liked the epilogue in Harry Potter 7 and I like the last bit of BD too.
Ok, look: It's not a perfect series, and here's why:
I hate it when authors use stupid unusual names for characters. Rosalie? Esme? Rennesme? Stupid. Use names that people might actually recognize in daily life. Makes it seem less asinine.
Teenage angst. Though I personally suffered MUCH teenage angst (When I was a teen, hello 20), I don't wanna read somebody else's angst. So I skimmed over the angst. Bella's whiny.
Though many of the themes run through all four books, there isn't a driving force behind every single book. Unlike Harry Potter, where ultimately the goal is to vanquish Voldemort, there isn't a final objective (unless you wanna call Bella's weak want to be a vampire a goal... like I said, WEAK.). I hate it when books don't have something to work towards.
The only character I liked for awhile was Edward.
Book 2 was TORTURE. Not having Edward appear for hundreds of pages is like stapling your eyelids shut. (Unless you are Team Jacob, then you're just lucky AREN'T YOU.)
Bella seriously can't function without either Edward or Jacob and functions even LESS when they're both around.
Meyer doesn't follow the Vampire myths... which are damn good myths if you ask me. Sparkling in the sun is not a good substitute for say... burning up in the sun. The books would have a lot more worth if Edward couldn't save her during the day (think Bill's attempt to save Sookie in the season finale of True Blood first season.). Hell, the vampires don't even have fangs. Um... what?
so... yeah.
I'm NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT saying that this series is perfect! I'm not even saying that it's particularly note-worthy. I'm just saying that I personally like it. And you don't have to agree with me. In fact, I invite you to disagree.
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