Alternatives to Normal Back-Up Plans

After my freak out a few days ago, I got on the internet and started looking up (however asinine this is to search):

'alternatives to college.'

Yeah. And it was even a suggested search in Google. Which may or may not be a sign.

Anyway, I came across several things:

*Trade School - not for me. Although, it is a very viable path for many people, it's just not for me.

*Military - nope. Thinking about it makes my arms fall off. I am not cut out for military work.

*stepping straight into a job - tempting... but I don't have any sort of formal training so my options are pretty limited.

*Peace Corps - now... at first glance, an absolute no. At second glance...

WHY HAVE I NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED THIS BEFORE?

Problems:

*You have to have a college degree (at least an associates) and I am so sick of being in school, I could just spit.

*They don't go to Scotland. This isn't really a problem, just a bummer. I could do some youth development in Scotland! Sigh.

Awesome things:

*They give you an allowance and it doesn't actually cost you anything (beyond basic things).

*They give you money to transition back into US life once you get back. That's legit.

*It looks incredible on any resume. Come on. Who wouldn't hire someone who saved little children in Africa?

*It would allow me to travel like I have been itching to do since I got back from Scotland my sophomore year of high school.

Unfortunately, the college degree thing poses a problem. So... I researched this:

'alternatives to peace corps.'

And came up with:

Cross-Cultural Solutions

Global Volunteers

AmeriCorps

United Planet

Food First

Transitions Abroad

Serve Your World

America's Second Harvest

Points of Light

and my personal favorite...

Projects Abroad. Oh yes. It is incredible.

Awesome things:

*You don't have to have a college degree. It was first created for college kids such as myself who just need to take some time away. Gap year, they call it.

*You don't need prior training in most cases (unless you want to do medical relief).

*You are paired with a host family with at least one child who speaks english. This is such a relief because I cannot learn a foreign language in the time before I left.

*They only go to countries that are politically stable and provide ridiculously good amounts of security contacts.

*You are completely provided for.

*Every town they place volunteers has an internet cafe. That's a guarantee on their website. Seriously? How's that for foresight. Hello, Blog.

Problems. Nah, lets call them... things to consider:

*It does cost money... however, it is $4,000 total. Total. For everything. That includes plane tickets, bus fare, meals, housing, everything except extraneous spending money. That's amazing.

*I couldn't think of other problems.

So what would I do volunteering in a foreign country, you ask?

Well, I'm thinking about teaching english to kids. I don't want to be a teacher in life, but there is something about working with kids in a third world country that just sounds soul-rejuvenating.

Where would I want to go?

Morocco. Yes. I have wanted to go forever, which you may or may not know about me, and the program there is amazing.

When would I go?

Well, that's an excellent question... and a bridge I will cross at a later point. I would probably take some time to work and get money together. Which could take a while.

Why? Why this instead of say... Metro and just finishing my degree?

I have been and will always be a practician of instant gratification. I must have something to enrich my soul at all times or I am just miserable. So... I am exploring things that would do just that.

Isn't Morocco an Islamic nation?

Yes it is. It doesn't make me at all nervous, I would not run through the streets proclaiming Christianity, nor would I denounce or disrespect the religion of the nation. That is a no-brainer.

Maybe I should... take a deep breath and think about it?

Yup, I'm gonna think about it. But it is certainly an incredible back-up plan.

To Rant or Not to Rant... to Rant, it is.

I have mixed feelings about leaving the University of Northern Colorado, and this has only recently hit me. I used to feel grateful that I was finally getting out of Greeley and that was the only thing that mattered.

The other night, I was at a bar watching two of my friends play and it hit me while I was sitting there in the midst of about 20 awesome people: I am really gonna miss this place. I won't miss Greeley, or my mice infested apartment, or being an acting major, but I will definitely miss the people. Granted, a lot of the people that I will miss are seniors but the thought of never seeing some of them again is so terrible! How can you be close friends with people for two years and invest all this energy into maintaining awesome friendships and then never see them again?

Luckily, all of these people are going to be in 'the business' and it's not like I won't be able to look them up in the future... however, I'm not a famous director yet and I still have at least three more years in school. At a college that none of them went to.

Truthfully, I'm so sick of school. I'm probably going to fail biology and my semester GPA will be a 2.9. Which will definitely not look good for my acceptance to one of the best research science colleges in the nation. I don't really know what I want to do with myself... part of me just wants to hop on a plane to a foreign country the second I have money saved for a plane ticket. I don't remember being as happy as I was traveling in Scotland and it feels like I need to return to that. Study abroad would just prolong being in school... and as much as I would like studying something I like in a foreign country, especially Scotland, I don't want to be in school. The novelty of college ran out at the end of first semester Freshman year.

I have truly not had such a hard time in school since middle school, which sounds melodramatic but it's true. These past two years, with the exception of the friendships made, have been some of the most unhappy years of my life. And I have no flipping idea why. I thought it was the fact that I was unhappy acting, but that's just a little bleep on the radar.

I really do want to direct movies but I don't know if that's what I want to do most of all. I have many strengths: acting, drawing, filmmaking, dance, photography... all of which I love to do. Dance seems to make me the most happy but my body is in no condition to do it for a living. I don't like to act if it's not Shakespeare or something classical. I'm not a good enough artist to do that for a living. I love films but I realized while making one for class that it is a lot of work... and if I don't have a good team, it will probably be the most stressful thing ever. Photography is great, but you can't make money doing it.

What do I want? Well... I want to travel. Who is gonna pay me a lot of money to just travel? How do I get that kind of job right out of college? I don't know. I don't want to major in foreign policy or being a travel agent.

I always hear people say that 'college' isn't for everyone and I've never though of myself as the kind of person who doesn't go to college... but it's starting to sound more and more appealing. You can't major in 'Traveling to All the Places You've Ever Wanted to Go' but you can major in things like photojournalism... which just sounds like a lot of work. I don't want to write because I have to, or go to war-torn countries to take pictures of people in poverty but not help them.

I love writing, a lot, especially plays... but what money is there in playwriting, really? Not a lot, unless you are Edward Albee... and even he had to work his way up the ladder.

This is a very pessimistic post. It's not necessary to project my unhappiness onto other people, but I felt like an explanation was in order. I want to get out of Greeley because I need to be in a place that doesn't stifle my figuring out what I have to do next. If I don't get accepted to CU Boulder, I might be more grateful than sad... which is a very scary thought at this point. I just need to know what I want... because that's not very clear at this point. The only thing I know for sure is that I want to get out of Greeley and into a place that encourages creativity, not stifles it. Acting isn't for me and the drama that comes with going to UNC is definitely not worth getting a degree in something I don't want to do. All I ever hear is 'just stick with it, wait it out' but that's not how I work. If anything, that just stifles me. I don't 'wait things out', I do things now. I need a 'now' career.

I would like to go back to Europe... maybe I'll figure out what I want if I go back. Who knows.